edit.
there used to be a time where i could never sleep on christmas eve because all i could think about is how amazing the next day would be. Every inch of it would be wonderful, no matter how horribly the day could go. Now, i sit at my computer on christmas eve thinking about when i was a kid, how much more things meant back then. Nothing is like it used to be. Nothing at all is really the same.
And im not just talking about the way i feel. My family doesnt really do anything it used to. We used to be so close. Everyone would come over to eat during the week. We hardly ever do anything like that anymore. Its really dissapointing to see what small childhood memories i do have be thrown away.
Chrsitmas time had always been just a magical time. This years things are just so different. It didnt feel like christmas, it still doesnt, and i can only pray that it does feel like it for me tomorrow. Now that im older, christmas just doesnt seem the same anymore.
Thats a let down.
Last year, all i was concerned about was my weight. What i ate. How i looked. This year, i need to make some changes. Things need to be different. I have this constant image of a girl who i hate to think is me, but she really isnt me. shes the old me.
i can get her out of my system.
and i need to try everything in my power to do it this year, becasue thats whats screwing me up.
I really hope this year brings me to good people and to good places.
I pray i can work things out on my own, before anyone has to do it for me.
merry christmas, happy and healthy always.
Love,
stephanie <3 | 
